“My ex started dating right away!” This is a horrible thing for you to have to say after a break up, particularly if there are still some strong, lingering feelings there. If you adore your ex and he or she has decided it’s already time to jump into a new relationship, how can you effectively handle what you feel? Should you tell them you still love them so they reconsider their new relationship or would you be better off staying silent? It’s not easy knowing what the right thing to do is. However, there is some proven advice that can help you manoeuvre your way through this delicate situation.
If your ex started dating soon after the break up, don’t get yourself too upset about it. I know it’s easy for me to say that, but there’s a reason behind it. Most people who jump into a new dating situation after leaving a relationship are only looking to quiet their emotions. Your ex probably feels that if he or she can get close to someone new, that the pain of not being with you will subside. This is the main reason why rebound relationship happen and also the main reason why they fail so miserably. You can’t replace one person with someone else. Sooner or later your ex is going to start feeling as though their new flame can’t fill the spot you left. This is true regardless of whether you dumped them or they did the dumping.
The way that you handle your ex’s new relationship is actually very crucial if you’re determined to get them back at some point. If you overreact by calling them begging them to leave the new lover, you’re going to look incredibly pathetic and desperate. Looking that way to someone you love is never complimentary. Your ex may actually feel a stronger pull to their new lover because of your behavior. That’s why I always advise anyone in your position to give their ex room to get more in touch with their feelings. If a new person becomes part of that process, that can actually be helpful.
Regardless of how gorgeous, well spoken and desirable the new person in your ex’s life is, they’re not you. They don’t have the same history with your ex and they don’t understand your ex the same way you do. Your ex has to see that for themselves. You can’t point it out to them because that only makes you appear both petty and jealous. That’s not something that you want to have happen.
How to Stop Focusing on Your Ex’s New Lover
It’s important that you shift your focus from your ex and what they’re doing to your own life, right now. I know that the temptation to date someone new to throw the difficult feelings back at your ex is pressing, but it’s not wise at all. Love isn’t all about being fair, especially after a break up. If you suddenly start dating someone who is, by all indicators, hotter or more intelligent than your ex, there’s going to be resentment. Your ex is also going to assume you’re only doing it to get back at him or her, which is essentially correct. You, in essence, sink your own self esteem to a new low while your ex feels justified in not being with you anymore.
There is nothing more attractive than maturity and self control. If you can accept, with dignity and grace, that your ex is indeed dating someone new, you become the better person in the equation. Just stay true to yourself and don’t rush into another relationship just to spite your ex. Show your ex that you can remain an objective and supportive friend to them even if they’re beginning on the journey towards a new connection. They’ll be amazed at your emotional strength and will always have you in the back of their mind.
Once their new relationship fizzles, as most rebounds do, you’ll be there helping your ex get through it. It’s then that the feelings of love and desire will come back to the surface and your ex will finally see that you are indeed the perfect partner for them.
You can speed up the process and get your ex to love you again. Don’t give up on them if they’re the one person you adore and believe you’re meant to be with.